12th jan 20

Dear diary,

I know I didnt write an entry for yesterday, but I ended up getting home so late from work, that I just went to bed and fell asleep straight. Today I was listening to the song "wrong direction" by Hailee Steinfeld and I was thinking about toxic relationships. The problem with those relationships is that you are usually the last to know. Also, I think sometimes people don't realise but abusive relationships don't start like that. They start as sweet, caring, passionate, fiercely protective (which is just jealousy but justified as being protective) and seemingly loving. The abuse comes later. So you can see how difficult it is for the victims to think that there is a different way. That there will be a person out there that will treat them as a prince(ss), because she was once treated as a prince(ss) by the devil. And as the old saying goes 'better the devil you know'.
There is also the fact that a lot of people do not know what categorizes as abuse. For me, an abusive relationship is any type of relationship where one of the party is harmed physically or mentally by the other. With physicality it is very easy to understand. If someone touches you in any shape or form without consent, it is physical abuse. The tricky bit is when we start talking about mental abuse since we all have different type of boundaries of what is or isn't allowed to be done to us. But that's it, if someone crosses the boundaries of what is acceptable by you, then it is abuse. This is regardless if they do it in what seems like a sweet, peaceful way. Just because someone does not shout at another to get their own way, does not mean it isn't abuse. For example, imagine a situation where a girl says they will like to wait for marriage to have sex (I know it seems old fashioned but some people believe in it). She meets a boy and falls in love and think he is the one. They are together for some time but everytime the topic of sex is discussed, she always expresses her wishes of waiting until marriage. Everytime that happens the boy seems to accept that those are her wishes. During this time the boy is slowly making her doubt that the friends and family around her really love her. He makes her feel like the only person that truly loves her in the world is him and only him. That without him she would have no one. When this starts to become her true believe, he starts to talk about how pleased he would be with her if she had sex with him. Who wouldn't want to please the only person that truly cares about her and loves her? But she still says no. So slowly he starts behaving as if he is getting bored of her, and that it isn't working out, while again making constant comments about sex. This time the girl becomes so panicked that she willingly chooses to have sex with him.
This is abusive. But for that girl this wouldn't be abuse. After all, he never forced himself on her. She chose to have sex with him because she wanted him to have a happy and fulfilled life. But the reality is that he coerced her and manipulated her until he got what he wanted. The problem with abusive relationships is that they aren't straight forward. They are not easy to identify by the victims or bystanders. This makes it harder to help the victims to become free from the cage that is their life. So next time people see in the news about someone suffering abuse, I hope they don't ask.silly questions such as 'why didn't they just leave?' or 'why did they stay that long? They probably enjoyed it, and just want attention now'. I hope people understand how fragile the situation is, and that they understand that sometimes the victims are the first to defend the perpetrator, claiming they did nothing wrong, and that they need them. They are the victims. Period.
P.S.: I am still reading the veil diaries, and u have to say WOW! Now I get why people love to talk about it, it is so amazing. The only problem I have with it, is that I falling for Dylan, but I really want Lexi to kiss one of the guys. They are so caring with her, and you can see that they would be an amazing fit. But I understand, I only stayed dating my boyfriend after a few months of being his best friend. I even dated other people, until one day we just clicked, and now we have been together for almost six years.